Day Three: MEGAMAN

So this post may make no sense, since I'm slightly (read: reaching levels that can kill a horse) drunk right now, so I apologize...wait, no, I really don't.  This should make it BETTER.  I'm not a farking pussy.

So last night, I had an idea.  This idea involved one of many things.  For starters, fuck Crobat.  He's a pussy anyway.  Fucker can't even take a hit.  What a wimp; I can even take a hit better than Crobat can, and I'm real (see, drunk and I can use a semicolon correctly eat shit bitches).  So, instead, I have decided I'm going to breed a Pokemon based on its level of badassness by looks.  You know what that Pokemon is?

Mag-fucking-mortar.

For those of you who have NO fucking idea what a Magmortar is, imagine this.  You know what a Magmar is?  Take that, give it steroids, then make it fucking MEGA MAN.  Yeah, this fucker has an ARM CANNON on his fucking right arm, instead of some pussy-ass hand.  Not only that, he's fire.  You know who doesn't like fire?  Cops and bitches.  You know what they both have in common?  THEY'RE PUSSIES.  Like Crobat (we're now going to substitute the word "pussy" for "Crobat" for the remainder of this post so I don't get flagged for excessive vulgarity).

So we start by catching a mother-fucking Magby.  Who the hell even decided that "baby" Pokemon were a good idea?  Who, in their right mind, thinks that a "cute" version of a BADASS Pokemon, with one-tenth the stat gain, and some RIDICULOUS evolution mechanic was remotely a GOOD idea?  Like Togepi, that's a fucking Crobat.  Pichu, COMPLETELY WORTHLESS and a fucking Crobat.  Magby is no exception.

Being the wonderous, brilliant, and scientific genius that I am, I decided to power-level the fucker, since I'm going to have to breed the damned thing anyway.  What do I do?  Go run STRAIGHT into a trainer, because the way Black and White works, I'm going to get like 123051320158 experience per battle since it's level one.

Except I fucking forget to switch out, and lose my Magby.  Whoops, I'm a fucking retard.

Who the fuck even lets people fight level one Pokemon?  Shouldn't there be some automatic "SWITCH YOU FUCKING POKEMON OUT YOU FUCKING RETARD" button that pops up when you're leveling a level-one?  You'd think that after five generations, with all the stupid shit they've made (i.e. happiness, fuck you Golbat), they could have at least stopped stupid fucks from letting their level ones die with some automatic "YOUR SHIT CAN'T DAMAGE A PIECE OF PAPER, GET IT OUT OF THERE" button.

But no.

The sad thing is, this happens three more times, because it's like five in the morning, and I'm not paying attention to anything that isn't Top Gear.  But that is getting away from the point.

So I get the stupid piece of shit to level 30 (in hindsight, I probably shouldn't call my Pokemon "stupid pieces of shit," because that probably doesn't make them happy, either), so it evolves into Magmar.  Yay for it not being UTTERLY RETARDED in the fact that it needs to be happy to evolve.  Yay.

Then I look up how to evolve it into Magmortar.

This is the definition I got: "Trade Magmar while holding a Magmarizer."

A.  What the fuck is a Magmarizer, and where do I get it?
B.  WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO TRADE THIS BULLSHIT IN ORDER FOR IT TO FUCKING EVOLVE?  Does the stupid thing gain some sort of mutation while it's being electronically transferred?  Do radio waves cause it to mutate into having a GIANT FUCKING ARM CANNON?

I swear this game is going to make me develop some weapon to kill Japanese people with.